The True Chapters of Life

The Me I Didn’t Want to Be

I tried hard, I tried hard, I tried so hard not to be me
I thought if I could be what I thought I should be
Then I could be anything other than me

I ran from those who say they loved me
Their love would only show the me I didn’t want to be
They say they love the me that I didn’t want them to see

In the mirror, I would see only who I wanted to see
Then one day that other person was looking back at me
That other person who I did not want to be

His sadness and lonliness and oddity was too much for me not to see
He needed me to accept me, so he could be all he was meant to be
Now he is me and we are one, and together we can be all we have been destined to be

Two Sides of Myself

My spirit, my soul, two places inside.
One yearns for light, while the other one hides.
My spirit I’ve known most of my life, but ran from my soul, and hid from its strife.

Spirit so light, inspired and true, it brings happiness of what’s understood
But leaves out ones dark other half soo unknown, to go there inside may take all that we own

A path so destined yet a path lesser known, as we’ve seen now with Gollam, it cuts to our bone.  It holds the true marrow of our enticing desires, it pumps the blood of our mysterious fires.

The rise of the sun, the dark winters moon, the whispers, the urges, they come all too soon. Can’t deny or ignore what shade can’t obscure, the voice that gives life when our dark night implores.

We want spirit for rest so light on its feet, but the soul ignites darkness that makes us complete. Yet we avoid our own longings, we run from ourselves and bury our treasure that holds our true wealth.

Awakened we fall, lay prone in our shell, exhausted with doubt, too empty to tell.
We think we’ve been taken like a fools widowed bride, and suddenly we see what we’ve been trying to hide.

That’s when we’re most human, our soul shows its face, like the shine of her curl that hides her frail face.  This place I didn’t chose, its pain did not lie, when I’d thought I’d get goodness, I was left without pride.

Then hate and anger dispelled the myth of my spirit I’d made up inside.
Yet in that black moment, out spilled white pearls of wealthly suprise.

And though i found joy in my spirit so light,
I found what I’d lost in the dark soul of night.

dd     2008

My Darling Daughter

Nothing can stop the rain from falling
Nothing can stop you from being a women
I can still see the day you were placed in my hands
The same beautiful smile I saw on your face today as you walked from the theatre

But now you are your own person
You walk with a strength and confidence
I never had at your age and
it pleases me so

There is something magnificent about being a girl that is nothing like being a boy
Just know at times it scares me to see you blossom into a beautiful women
Because I know this means I must let you go and let you grow
And let you become the women you are destined to be

But also know I will always be your father and you will always be my precious daughter

Inglorious Burdens

I walk my dogs in the woods each morning and I feel free
Deeply I breathe the air and the trees sing with elation as they fulfill their purpose
I think in my arrogance these tree’s need me but haa, that’s not true
I need them

They stand each day where they were the day before
Secure in their destiny, roots sunk deeply into the ground of their souls
They are silent to my ears as they speak but are not heard
They are blind to my eyes, yet they see but are not seen
One small fellow holds his many feeble branches straight towards the sky
Baring against the weight of time, the corpse of his massive fallen friend
Another fallen one frozen in her last gasp for life, leans against her gentle, strong companion, her cancer ridden roots exposed for the rest to see

A young sapling pushes her way through the hardened winter ground reaching for the warmth of the solstice sun
While one has a barbed wire through the center of his trunk having grown up with this all his life

Their scars are many, born from the hand of man and nature
Both alive and dead they give life to many
I can see and touch all of their scars
As they bare the burden of giving me breath

They stand each day where they were the day before
Secure in their destiny, roots sunk deeply into the ground of their souls
They are silent to my ears as they speak but are not heard
They are blind to my eyes, yet they see but are not seen

Our Life Force

I have tried my whole life to deny, thwart, control and manipulate the sexual fire raging inside my soul.  I’m more certain now then ever before, that this force we call sexual desire, is far more then just a genetic impulse or biological reflex.

Yes, it arouses in us physically and we respond with physical action, naturally.
But at its source, inside each of us, lay more then just a physical drive.
Like our own heart, the source of our sexual drive is the heart of our soul.
Like blood, it pumps the very fuel of our power, creativity, imagination and possibly even our connection to our very existence.

Sexual pleasure is a secondary benefit of this life giving force.
Much like the sun, we bask in its rays and it breaths life into us.
To follow this force at its source each moment and enjoy it, explore it and accept it, may be to touch the finger of God.

But we lack the tools to understand and harness the raw material of our eros.
We either misuse it drying up it’s vitality like the morning dew in the sun. Or we fear it and put moral walls around it as if it were evil itself.

Our eros is as much a part of us as the body itself, and possesses immense power; no wonder we fear it.
In sex we discover the power and direction of our deepest desires.
And within our desires and passions lies the DNA of our souls destiny.
When we try to control it or explain it away in purely physical terms
it morphs itself into a mere compulsion lacking depth, intimacy & power.

It cannot and will not be controlled, ignored or understated.
To do so is to turn our gaze from our own divinity.
To disregard our divinity is to deny a mysterious and immense power within ourselves.
A power capable of giving our lives meaning, but more so love.

dd            October 2015

Great American Pasttime

Faces, a sea of faces
The smell of fried and grilled heart attacks waiting to happen
Voices both loud and small, meek and obnoxious
In that moment make up our ocean

She and I float among this sea of people
Bobbing up and down, waiting for just the right
crack, that will erupt into a swell of exuberance

We rode the wave in together and felt what it was like to be human in a sea
of smiling faces including our own
Our histories would record that insignificant ‘crack of the bat’ moment

And remind us what it meant to be together in this moment as daughter and father

dd- 2011

True Callings

I’ve become a child again
With all its light and dark
I see the world as if I have seen it
for the very first time

I am amazed and in awe at all its possibilities
While also self absorbed as if the world were here for me
Just as a child would be

Yet I have gained some value from age
And I am able to somehow temper what pathology
calls a mid life crisis

From a spiritual perspective, I have found myself
The person I was meant to be, rather born to be
And from this view, I have entered a new land and
can now give myself for a purpose greater then my own
self absorbtion

All I need to do is wait, watch and listen
While being careful not to pathologize, psychologize,
intellectualize or even sensimentalize, what
seems to be a true calling…

dd 2010

Finding Peace

Some days the loneliness is unbearable and
I curse all wisdom, insight or promises of destiny

Some days the sadness is unbearable and
I wish it wasn’t true

Some days the quietness is unbearable and
I can’t believe this is my life

Some days the pain is unbearable and
I ask myself why I exist

Some days the hurt is unbearable and
I realize I never had control…

….suddenly, unexpectedly and strangely
I find peace  …

Silence

I look right, I look left…All i see is sky.
No answers but just space and time that stretches all the way to eternity.

My soul howls with desire. It longs for immortality.  It craves love.  It yearns for passion.

But the silence.  The silence of the sky.  The silence stretches on forever into an eternal beauty.