The Real Me
I fear to show the real me
that I will be
too real for you
too hard for you
too much of everything for you
and never enough
Gemma Troy
Year: 2020
Beauty
Despite the loss and pain
The beauty that lays around us and inside of us is stunning
Despite the hurt and evil
the joy that lays before each of us is a gift of the universe
Gently pick it up. Place it in the palm of your hand. And just gaze at it.
Those Moments
That moment. Those wonderful moments. Those esoteric moments meant only for you and your lover. Just you and your other.
No one else exists though many are around. They’re frozen in place, like statues.
They’re still, no movement, no sounds. Just stuck in their very last moment of what they were doing. They can’t see you or your lover.
They stare blankly into space. Frozen in time.
Cars stopped in motion as they were beginning to park. Look up and you see birds, hanging in the air frozen in a V formation. A girl, balanced on a bike on a sidewalk, but not moving. Just frozen in time.
Lovers grasping each other, her eyes rolled back in her head, his gaze set on her breasts frozen with a curved delight, a hard cock stands erect, no movement. Just frozen in time.
A clerk handing money back to a customer, palm floating and still in the air, coins resting in place….frozen in time.
All the while, you and your lover run and laugh. You make love. You dance. You sit quietly together and read to one another. You sip tea together.
Her smile, her eyes, her scent, her secrets. His hardness, his hair, his steadiness…all tangled together in an elixir of magic. Anywhere and everywhere you both float above and around all of them. Their frozen bodies surround you both; but neither of you see anyone else nor they you. You are one.
And with wonder, with awe, with complete delight… those moments, those hours, those days frozen in time, seem to last forever. Every second…every look….every tingling, etched inside your soul…your mind… your heart…forever. Never to be forgotten…
Until time starts again. And then, it chips away at all that was frozen.
Then the world reawakens. The engines of life hum again around you both…. noisy, distracting, diverting.
You two, no longer alone in your bubble of ecstatic delight, in love. You are awakened by the noise. You look around, startled and disappointed.
No longer alone and not together any longer. She is gone. He is lost in the mist. And you are here…
Why doesn’t it last? Those moments frozen in time, etched deeply inside your soul? Those singular, vibrating moments?
The bed is empty, the room sings a hollow silence.
Sometimes things are special because they don’t last.
Inspired and adapted from Tales from the Loop, Ep. 3
If you wish…
“If you wish to be a warrior, prepare to get broken, if you wish to be an explorer prepare to get lost and if you wish to be a lover prepare to be both.”
Daniel Saint
Our Pain is our Destiny
It’s not the pain that breaks us
It’s the things we do to avoid it
We fear the pain, that it will break us
So, then break, break..let it break you
Let spirit break you open
Let yourself be forged in the crucible of your own agony
Transformed into the most perfect instrument of destiny
If you can embrace the fullness of your pain
Then you can embrace the fullness of your power
A Song Named You
Longing is the language of the soul
We long for joy or happiness; or that we’re able to make a difference for others.
We long to touch or be touched by another human or for connection or to find our soul mate.
We long for friendship or to have just one trusted, loyal friend.
We long for peace between warring factions or for them to turn from violence.
We long for our children to be safe and happy or some long just to have a child of their own.
We long for safety for all creatures and for the innocent.
We long when we see the beauty of nature or we long when our lover kisses our lips.
We long for authenticity in our relationships and we long to have pure, ever present fun.
We long because we are human.
This longing keeps us alive. It’s a gift. It gives us hope for our future.
Yet, either we don’t know that we long or have gotten so used to ignoring it because we don’t want to be let down, again. We stop listening, afraid it’s just another illusion of being human and we exclaim, there is no such thing as magic. Sadly, this drys up our well of longings.
Longing is the very language of our soul. The soul is the writing tablet of the divine itself.
So, open your heart, one last time. Open your soul, and await. Await for your song to play. It may be faint at first. But it playing, already. The more you listen, the louder it becomes.
Listen. Dance. Sing. It’s a song that no one else has.
…the divine is writing a song named you and wants to share it with the world.
Selling Our Soul to Time
Time is the greatest of all warriors
What it doesn’t destroy it alters beyond recognition. Time tears down everything, yet we cling to it rather then love. We brace our backs against the void desperate to hold onto the past, to ourselves, to our ghosts.
And in that desperation, we only keep those who let us believe this illusion;
Denying true love, so we can feel young.
From Season 2 of Altered Carbon
Ancient Yowl
I, man will not lose that fire
The smell of burning wood smoke on my shirt
The sound of the feral life surrounding my body and soul
Cravings deep, sinewy, scraping against the earth with my chest bare
Lost, wild and ancient I roar my rage into the wind
I will never surrender to some Faustian bargain just to survive
Bleeding out my life, one sterile piece of plastic at a time
I would rather die stripped naked, beaten and thrown in my barrow
Body almost dead but soul fully intact ready to scream the ancient yowl
That the gods will hear my roar so that I shall grow love and joy from my moist, sweet grave