A Journey of Soul Discovery
All kinds of love: agape, Eros…etc. 8 Types of Love
The fence that cuts through my heart
I straddle endlessly and forever
Desperado, I wonder am i?
My demon, my forever saboteur sucking my love dry
A decision, a choice…they drag me down to ground zero where…
….nothing is perfect and no one is perfect….especially me.
You awoken my imagination
From the moment I noticed you
I saw thunder clouds filled with white rain
I drew in the sweet smell of wildflowers into my lungs
Red fog drew me up into the clouds of anything is possible
And wild horses ran through my veins clearing out all inhibition
My imagination was on fire and my heart melted at your beauty
Every inch of your soft cocoa skin soothed my burns
Your black hair wrapped around my chest
And your diamond head carved a place into my soul
You awakened my imagination
And I liked you because anything was possible
With you, anything
Dulcinea, I found thy and my world rose above this earth
I believed you were the one I had been waiting for
For soo long
But you, though you lit the secret flame
Were only a dream, made of flame and air
Gave into only what you could see and what could not be
Given from the heart
For what was an impossible dream between two souls connected
Could not bear what was possible
You gave up on your imagination for what was seen, not known
But in that moment, I adored your star
And was willing to march into hell for a heavenly cause
And for that moment I could fly and never die
Words fall silent from my lips, at this poignant moment of human intensity
As a burning orange orb glides slowly towards its end on the horizon
Touch is all I have for his atrophied, scared, ravaged body resting in front of me
Words seem frail and dumb at that second. My blood runs blue and my heart breaks red
Can my fingers reach his soul? Will he know the depths of gratitude I possess for his inestimable friendship?
Can the water from my eyes seep into his essence? Can he can feel my love for him?
A glowing white moon gently rises from the outer edge of eternity
And a divine bright red, pink and purple friendship forever colors our sky.
My dear friend Larry, left this earth on October 1, 2020 at 6:42 a.m.
We blame those who love us, for what we despise in ourselves,
hoping they can see through our confusion…
We despise those who love us, for loving that which we hate in ourselves
hoping they can bare the tests of our fears…
We loathe those who love us, because we don’t believe they really do or can love us
hoping they do, can and will, despite what we think of ourselves…
It’s hard to let people love us and easier if we can just control how they love us
except when we do let people in we discover their love gives us
hope in our ability to forgive ourselves for…
…to forgive ourselves for not being perfect
Love is madness, absolute madness
Like a helpless puppet on a string
We attempt to make choices
fooling ourselves
in believing so we cling
To the thought that we can push against this force
Is sheer madness once again
Don’t deny loves mystical power
And release that critical voice
Turn yourself over to what you can’t understand
Surrender your soul to a love that wasn’t planned
That moment. Those wonderful moments. Those esoteric moments meant only for you and your lover. Just you and your other.
No one else exists though many are around. They’re frozen in place, like statues.
They’re still, no movement, no sounds. Just stuck in their very last moment of what they were doing. They can’t see you or your lover.
They stare blankly into space. Frozen in time.
Cars stopped in motion as they were beginning to park. Look up and you see birds, hanging in the air frozen in a V formation. A girl, balanced on a bike on a sidewalk, but not moving. Just frozen in time.
Lovers grasping each other, her eyes rolled back in her head, his gaze set on her breasts frozen with a curved delight, a hard cock stands erect, no movement. Just frozen in time.
A clerk handing money back to a customer, palm floating and still in the air, coins resting in place….frozen in time.
All the while, you and your lover run and laugh. You make love. You dance. You sit quietly together and read to one another. You sip tea together.
Her smile, her eyes, her scent, her secrets. His hardness, his hair, his steadiness…all tangled together in an elixir of magic. Anywhere and everywhere you both float above and around all of them. Their frozen bodies surround you both; but neither of you see anyone else nor they you. You are one.
And with wonder, with awe, with complete delight… those moments, those hours, those days frozen in time, seem to last forever. Every second…every look….every tingling, etched inside your soul…your mind… your heart…forever. Never to be forgotten…
Until time starts again. And then, it chips away at all that was frozen.
Then the world reawakens. The engines of life hum again around you both…. noisy, distracting, diverting.
You two, no longer alone in your bubble of ecstatic delight, in love. You are awakened by the noise. You look around, startled and disappointed.
No longer alone and not together any longer. She is gone. He is lost in the mist. And you are here…
Why doesn’t it last? Those moments frozen in time, etched deeply inside your soul? Those singular, vibrating moments?
The bed is empty, the room sings a hollow silence.
Sometimes things are special because they don’t last.
Inspired and adapted from Tales from the Loop, Ep. 3
Intimacy is like a fire you tend to each day
The more fuel you add the bigger the fire gets
The fuel is vulnerability and letting go of expectations, to name a few
The risk is the fire gets too big and to hot
We fear getting burned or being consumed
So we put up defenses and throw water on the fire
The other risk is the fire goes out
The flickering red tone begs for its last gasp of air
But nothing helps and the glow fades slowly into the brown ground
At that moment we make a choice
Either tend to the hot fire or relight the doused flames and then
Bask in it’s warmth, slowly feed it and keep it lit so it nurtures both body and soul.
The sun rises each day in a golden blaze
The flowers bow giving glory to its rise
But we can’t see love until it’s too late
The desire for beauty burns deep down inside
Hungering for perfect love, that healing force
We suffer our hearts poison
Hoping to cover our own souls loss
Our eyes are bigger than our heart
Our bark louder than our bite
In silence it comes, and then we depart
Not knowing she had entered
So we don’t see love until it’s too late
Why is it ever too late
if our heart dares to speak again
Why not step forward
Admit our guilt put down our pen
But those memories never sleep
Awake at night, closed eye during the day
Born to a world we neither love nor hate
Still we don’t speak our love until it’s too late
Love we want we cannot have
Longing for our hearts beat to still
Love we want we just can’t have
Bending towards her fragile will
In a moments flash, our desire is filled
Yet our grasp to tight for our empty plate
In a moments time, we know why
That we never know love til its too late
Is it possible, the only way some of us can love is when we’re hurt by love?
We’re simply waiting for someone to hurt us?
Then we can prove to them we were right,
we’re incapable of being loved!
Is it possible, we humans run from the very love we need…
Not even we’re running or that we need it?
Maybe it’s them, we think. They’re incapable of loving.
More likely though
….it’s us .
Incapable of loving ourselves?
I’ve fallen in love, only a few times before
But now I know when something is sure
It speaks when I can’t hear, trust cannot be sown
My heart has a mind, a mind of its own
But trust is its language, it speaks it so clear
So trust I must choose, if I want to live near
Near my center, my bones, my insides so true
That give me shape, beauty and shadows of you
Though love is a choice, whom we choose is not ours
So live close inside and trust in the stars
The stars and the moon, a pearl and a stone
Our heart has a mind, a mind of its own.